The Null Device
Australia's Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commissioner says that conditions in detention centres breach UN conventions; in particular, the culture of despair among the children detained there. Though, then again, Australia doesn't need no stinkin' UN conventions; we're the America of the South Pacific, after all. Don't fuck with us or we'll have a talk to Uncle George, and see if he can lend us some daisy-cutters to drop on your ass. Yee-haw!
The process of justice: Potential Nobel laureate George W. Bush has united his love of baseball with the War On Terrorism, with a scorecard of Al-Qaeda members. Every time someone on the scorecard is killed, Bush crosses them off. Lucky thing that the ban on assassinations has been lifted, too.
Wonder whether he'll upgrade to an expanded card of other enemies of America, with people like Gaddafi, Castro, the North Korean president-for-life, and anybody else who doesn't like America on it. Perhaps he can put those Europeans on it if they keep criticising the war too.
(Actually, I heard that they do have goths in the Deep South, only they're all worshippin' Satan, stagin' ritual vampire killings or shootin' up their high schools with Pa's shotgun, or else merely en route to New Orleans from somewhere else.)