The Null Device
Also from the Onion: Ghost of Christmas Future Taunts Children With Visions of PlayStation 5.
"I like to appear in the living room with a PS5 hooked up to 2016's most popular TV, the 4'x8' Hi-Def Sony Titania," the Ghost said. "Then, I'll say in my best spooky voice, 'Jimmy! Behold what your kids will be playing while you're slaving away at an office job to support them!'"
A Republican initiative that went unopposed by congressional Democrats, the revised Bill of Rights provides citizens with a "more manageable" set of privacy and due-process rights by eliminating four amendments and condensing and/or restructuring five others. The Second Amendment, which protects the right to keep and bear arms, was the only article left unchanged.
"We're not taking away personal rights; we're increasing personal security," Ashcroft said. "By allowing for greater government control over the particulars of individual liberties, the Bill of Rights will now offer expanded personal freedoms whenever they are deemed appropriate and unobtrusive to the activities necessary to effective operation of the federal government."
(via The Onion)
After decades of solid profits, junk-food empire McDonalds is about to post its first ever loss. A sign of the coming collapse of the golden age of global consumerist democracy?
It turns out that the black boxes labelled "Fear" on the New York Subway were an art project, by a student from the New York School of Visual Arts. The artist in question will be charged with public endangerment, becoming another casualty of post-9/11 paranoia.
"Terrorists are the last true performance artists." -- Laurie Anderson
"The greatest surrealist act would be to point a loaded revolver into the crowd and then fire at random." -- Andre Breton
More proof that country music is, at the very least, morally dubious: Australian populist redneck politico Pauline Hanson, whose One Nation party made xenophobia mainstream, is planning a career in country and western music.