The Null Device
The Liberal Democrats have volunteered to be the butt of humourless-environmentalist jokes by issuing a Christmas statement saying that Santa Claus should deliver his presents by bus because reindeer are too polluting.
According to the Lib Dems, nine reindeer would emit methane with a global-warming impact equivalent to 40,667 tonnes of carbon dioxide as they covered the 122 million miles needed to deliver to every house in the world.
This makes his sleigh ride almost as environmentally unfriendly as an aircraft, which would produce 41,480 tonnes of CO2 on the Christmas Eve trip.Of course, the question arises of whether a bus covering those distances at the speed required to deliver all the presents would be any less polluting. Unless they mean that Mr. Claus uses existing bus services and other public transport to do his deliveries, in which case they would most probably take many years to complete, and leave many non-urban children completely without presents.
This just in: Gary Glitter is not a child rapist. Well, not as far as Vietnamese authorities know, at least.
The former glam rocker still faces charges of lewd acts with children, and a possible 12 years in a Vietnamese prison, though has escaped the death penalty (would that have made him the first celebrity sentenced to death, whose fame preceded the issue which caused their downfall?)