When faced with the dilemma of what to do with the two young lads who bludgeoned a toddler to death (just because he was there, or perhaps because they had never bludgeoned a toddler to death before and wanted to know what it felt like) at the age of 10, the British government has turned to an age-old solution: ship them off to the colonies.

The British government would fund the operation, arranging new names, paying travel expenses, start up accommodation costs and provide a Home Office-appointed counsellor to oversee their rehabilitation. They would be under constant supervision. Their parents would be offered the chance to join them overseas, at their own cost.

The Australian and New Zealand governments have not been informed of this, and don't seem too keen on the plan. Though if spiriting them in without telling the local governments is not an option, a word with John "I but saw her passing by" Howard should teach the recalcitrant Aussies some proper deference to the Mother Country.

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