The Null Device

The Onion's back in fine form, with pieces like Area Man Not Exactly Sure When To Take Down American Flags:

"I don't want to be the first to take one down and look like an ass," Wenger said. "When I put the flags up, I was saying, 'I support America.' If I take them down, some people will probably think I'm saying, 'I no longer support America.'"

And then there's this ever-helpful collection of Dating Tips:

• Ladies: Your date's salary divided by your own equals the base you should let him get to on the first date.
• If you are overweight and socially awkward, consider "online dating." You can go on a dragonslaying adventure instead of to a movie, play games on Pogo.com instead of dancing, and masturbate instead of having real sex.

Once again, The Onion hits the nail on the head, nailing peer pressure, hypocrisy and the profoundly depressing realities of the whole romance thing; in short, the human condition.

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