The Null Device

Soccer, Jihadist-style

A jihadist website has published a fatwa on "Islamically-sound" ways of playing soccer:
2. International terminology that heretics and polytheists use, like "foul," "penalty," "corner," "goal," "out" and others, should be abandoned and not said. Whoever says them should be punished, reprimanded and ejected from the game. He should be publicly told, "You have imitated the heretics and polytheists and this is forbidden."
3. Do not call "foul" and stop the game if someone falls and sprains a hand or foot or the ball touches his hand, and do not give a yellow or red card to whoever was responsible for the injury or tackle. Instead, it should be adjudicated according to Sharia rulings concerning broken bones and injuries. The injured player should exercise his Sharia rights according to the Koran and you must bear witness with him that so-and-so hurt him on purpose.
4. Do not follow the heretics, the Jews, the Christians and especially evil America regarding the number of players. Do not play with 11 people. Instead, add to this number or decrease it.
6. Do not play in two halves. Rather play in one half or three halves in order to completely differentiate yourselves from the heretics, the polytheists, the corrupted and the disobedient.
13. You should spit in the face of whoever puts the ball between the posts or uprights and then runs in order to get his friends to follow him and hug him like players in America or France do, and you should punish and reprimand him, for what is the relationship between celebrating, hugging and kissing and the sports that you are practicing?

There are 4 comments on "Soccer, Jihadist-style":

Posted by: gjw Mon Oct 17 02:06:24 2005

Plenty of fans would find rule number 9 quite acceptable. Abandoning golden goals and penalty shoot-outs sounds fine to me.

Posted by: PhilK http:// Mon Oct 17 02:48:59 2005

Those rules are hilarious! This is obviously satirical material. The Times is reporting that this is serious? Laugh's on them!

Posted by: Paulo http:// Fri Oct 21 09:41:29 2005

That's funny! My preferred part is the one about the three halves! :D Obviously religious fanatism doesn't help with calculus!

Posted by: Suhaib Sufi http:// Fri Oct 28 07:16:05 2005


very funny and truer then you know I'm a muslim but not the bread of 'wahaboys' whoes arguments run like this all the time. But as a famous muslim scholar - proper one of the past said - you cant win a argument with a ignorant person. thesedays its ignorance unbound. sigh And hey I live in the UK was born here and people tell me off if i say soccer "Its football!" hey man itsa game like life is play to just gota play it righteous!