The Null Device

I'm Comic Sans, Asshole

Typographical rant of the day: I'm Comic Sans, Asshole:
When people need to kick back, have fun, and party, I will be there, unlike your pathetic fonts. While Gotham is at the science fair, I'm banging the prom queen behind the woodshop. While Avenir is practicing the clarinet, I'm shredding Reign In Blood on my double-necked Stratocaster. While Univers is refilling his allergy prescriptions, I'm racing my tricked-out, nitrous-laden Honda Civic against Tokyo gangsters who'll kill me if I don't cross the finish line first. I am a sans serif Superman and my only kryptonite is pretentious buzzkills like you.
It doesn't even matter what you think. You know why, jagoff? Cause I'm famous. I am on every major operating system since Microsoft fucking Bob. I'm in your signs. I'm in your browsers. I'm in your instant messengers. I'm not just a font. I am a force of motherfucking nature and I will not rest until every uptight armchair typographer cock-hat like you is surrounded by my lovable, comic-book inspired, sans-serif badassery.

There are 3 comments on "I'm Comic Sans, Asshole":

Posted by: Greg Wed Jun 16 19:30:28 2010

"I'm a PC"

Posted by: unixdj Thu Jun 17 19:02:50 2010

But it's *not* fun. It looks forced, like a guy awho's telling the same old jokes he's telling at every party and laughing at them, having failed to amuse anyone besides himself. A fun person to party with is actually someone who goes to science fairs or plays clarinet at other times, not a full-time party goer. (And I don't believe Comic Sans actually knows how to play a Stratocaster, let alone a double-necked one).

Posted by: acb Thu Jun 17 22:56:17 2010

True; Comic Sans seems to be either the sad-eyed guy who desperately wants you to like him and be his buddy, or the passive-aggressive type who's always leaving snippy notes for people and sweetening them with smiley faces in an attempt to appear less bitchy. Though it could be the proudly obnoxious, cretinous douchebag in whose voice the rant is written as well.

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