psychoceramics: Happy Holidays!

[nmcnelly @ acs.bu.edu (N.A.F. McNelly)]

As a Xmas card to all fellow loon-watchers, I send this a blast from
the past, a touching rendition of the origin of Christmas, .

And a kooky New Year to all,
Nancy
------------------------------------------------------------

  UFO's AND THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION


  Stop that Jesus.
  You are about to fuck me to death.

  Mary pulling herself away from Jesus
  begins to have a convulsion.
  Her body begins to shake.
  She is going into a LSD flashback
  to the night when the Holy Ghost
  impregnates her with God the Father
  and her Son, Jesus Christ's sperm.

  After a minute Mary calms down
  enough to walk over to the window.
  Something was going on outside.
  She sees strange lights in the backyard.
  There was one strobe white light
  and other less intense lights
  which were red, blue, and yellow
  beaming out of an unidentified object
  hovering over a clearing in her back yard
  of her suburban split level house.

       Mary screams, "Heavens!  What is that?"
       she cries in terror.
       "I think I'm having a close encounter
       of the Third Kind!"
       She runs over to the phone to call
       the police, but the line is dead.
       The front door opens
       and several humanoid creatures
       dressed in spacesuits enter the room.
       "God!" she cries, "Did you put LSD in my
       herbal tea which you made me an hour ago?"

       God laughing insanely says,
       "I knew you would come to your senses
       about being the Mother of my Son!"
       Since you didn't agree to give me your eggs
       by your own free will, then I
       will take your eggs by force.
       I hired these extraterrestrial scientists
       to remove some of your eggs, Mary.
       I hope you don't mine."
       He laughs as he signals the scientists
       to escort Mary to the spaceship.
       "Rape!" she screams.
       "God is raping me! Gaia Help!"

       She refuses to walk any further, sits down
       on the ground in an act of civil disobedience.
       and says "God, I will not go along
       with your sick, fascist game."
       "Oh, yes you will!" God says
       as he walks up to her and gives her a kick.
       "You are a worthless, pathetic woman.
       You *will* obey me.  Do you understand?"
       he says as he begins to twist her arm.

       Mary answers, "I will never submit
       to the Word of God again!"

       God counters, "You inferior, stupid bitch!
       Do you want me to break your arms?"
       You *will* obey me.  Do you understand?
       You know I am a professional killer.
       I have been the General of countless wars.
       I am an expert torturer as well.
       How would you like me to slowly pull out
       your finger nails one by one?
       Now get on your feet right now and walk to
       that spaceship you damn good-for-nothing bitch."

       Mary says, "You are no Savior, God.
       You are a mass murder and mentally ill.
       How could I go along with you now?"
       I will never follow your dogma of
       the Kingdom of Heaven!
       You are a false Messiah who hates
       the Goddess of True Love.
       For centuries you have tried to make
       me forget about the power of the Great Goddess!
       But I remember Her now!
       She will make your regime fall as she reclaims
       her natural sovereignty over the life-force.
       Mark my words, the Gaia Messiah will create
       Neutopia on Planet Earth!"

       God responds, "How _dare_ you utter the word Goddess.
       I have told you before,
       there shall be no other Gods but me."
       God signals the extraterrestrials to
       come closer to Mary as he orders them,
       "Tape up her mouth and tie up her hands."

       They move over her and put a plastic tape
       over her mouth as they tie her hands
       in back of her body.
       God then announces, "From this day forth,
       that Witch will receive no press coverage
       over my telecommunication networks.
       She is now officially censored by the
       corporate powers of God Almighty.
       She is also not to be employed
       as a teacher in any of my schools.
       Do I make myself clear?
       Now, take that stupid cunt away,"
       he commands to the extraterrestrials.

       Mary remains sitting on the floor
       unwilling to cooperate with them.
       God says, "Knock her out then, boys.
       Give her something so that she
       has permanent amnesia about what
       happened here on this holy night!
       After you implant the embryo into her womb,
       I want you to implant a memory in her brain
       about the Immaculate Conception and the angel
       who comes to her in a dream to tell her
       to name the baby Jesus."

       The extraterrestrials shoot Mary in her neck
       with a drug in a hypodermic needle.
       She falls unconscious on the ground.
       The extraterrestrials carry her limp
       body out of the house into the spaceship.

       God says to the extraterrestrials,
       "After your job is completed you may
       pick up the cattle in Brazil that
       I promised you in exchange for
       a job well done.  Hey, what are you weirdos
       going to do with all those cows anyway?"


                                 Doctress Neutopia