psychoceramics: FYI:[Pigdog] Alien survey... (fwd)

[Eugene Leitl <Eugene.Leitl @ lrz.uni-muenchen.de>]

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Wed, 28 May 1997 02:17:12 -0700 (PDT)
From: Zach Copley <snatcher @ gigantor.arlington.com>
To: pigdog-l--@g--.arlington.com
Subject: [Pigdog] Alien survey...


[from mini-AIR (Annuals of Improbable Research), May 97]

1997-05-05      Scientific Correctness: Cosmic Kidnapping Results

Last month our ongoing Scientific Correctness Survey posed the question: 
Are citizens of earth being kidnapped by aliens from outer space? Here are
the survey results, as summarized by invetigator N. Bourbaki. 

FOR AND AGAINST: 33% of the voters affirmed that citizens of the Earth ARE
being kidnapped by aliens from outer space, while 37% denied the
possibility. The remaining respondents were concerned with a number of
peripheral issues. These included: "the meaning of the word kidnapping"; 
"the meaning of the word alien"; and "Lyle Lovett" One respondent
suggested that a better term than "kidnapping" would be "poaching." 
Another preferred the phrase "unsolicited biological experimentation
aboard a mobile facility."  The legal and economic ramifications of alien
abduction also were of concern to many people (more on that another time,
perhaps). 

JUSTIFIED ALIENS: A number of voters felt the aliens are completely
justified in their endeavors because the United States government has been
incarcerating and experimenting on aliens for years. (No other governments
were credited with comparable undertakings, no pun intended.) One voter
placed the blame for all kidnappings on the shoulders of a particular
Harvard faculty member, while a second blamed the Swedish secret service. 
Two home pages were mentioned, neither of which we checked out: 
www.mk.net/~mcf/lammer1.htm and www.mk.net/~mcf/handout.htm

WHO'S GOING: A number of voters raised the question of WHO is being
abducted. The significance of the "alarming frequency with which they are
being sent back" was also raised. Several voters said that people were
being kidnapped "not in adequate quantities." If you would like to suggest
that some specific person be abducted, please send the name to
<b--@n--.edu>. We will try to arrange travel discounts provided that
a Saturday night stay is included. 

THE EDUCATION QUESTION: Our supplemental question asked: "Should we
require that schoolchildren be taught to protect themselves against
extraterrestrial abductors?" 28% of the respondents said yes and 35% said
no. (Why a whopping 37% don't care is anyone's guess.) Of the 37% who
denied that abductions occur, a full 40% still felt that children should
be educated to handle such an event. Two different respondents (whom we
assume do not know each other) compared this learning experience to their
own experiences as schoolchildren when they were taught what to do in case
of an atomic bomb explosion. 

THE EDUCATION ANSWER: Of the 33% who voted that alien abduction does
occur, only 30% felt that school children should be tught appropriate
defensive tactics. This was explained by one reader who, realizing that
"any such aliens possess superior scientific knowledge" and are "clearly
performing experiments to advance scientific understanding", concludes
that any attempt to educate the children "would tend to invalidate the
experimental results and should be discouraged."  Alternate justifications
for not educating our children were: "Once captured, there is a finite
chance that the aliens might keep them"; "Let's bring back naked
Darwinism"; and "it just might raise SAT scores." One correspondent simply
felt our teachers are not up to the job. 

THE ESSENTIAL THING: Finally, one correspondent specified what the
children *should* be taught -- namely, to "recognize the difference
between a Grey and a Ross Perot." 

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