The Null Device
Today's Onion: Hey, Everybody, we'll stop Banker Mudge from tearing down our clubhouse by putting on an avant-garde show:
Who will write this play, you ask? None other than yours truly, Mickey McCune, natch! Aw, don't worry, I've seen lots of these kind of showsÂcabaret, poetry recitals, performance art, you name it. It'll be a cinch! I think I'll call my work Meat Play . It will be the story of the aforementioned fetus, who survives a premature birth and eventually ascends to the throne of an obscure Eastern European kingdom. There will be a waltzing skeleton, a murderous clown, an enormously fat industrialist who sits atop a large glass toilet and defecates money, and a lecherous bishop who covets his own sister but can't act on his impulses because he's buried up to his chest in dirt. Ain't that a peach?
And then there's also "Man Bitten By Radioactive Sloth Does The Lying-Around-All-Day Of 10 Normal Men":
CENTRAL CITYÂLaboratory assistant Brent Barker, bitten by a radioactive sloth last week in a freak lab accident, now possesses the relative loafing powers of 10 men. "Could someone pass me some more crackers?" asked the media-dubbed "Crimson Lump," speaking from his titanium sofa, the only known object that can withstand his superhuman lethargy. "I can't reach them from here." Scientists are likewise baffled at Barker's uncanny ability to remain motionless while watching amounts of television that would kill an ordinary mortal.
Sounds that annoy cats, brought to you by a company that makes (Windows) software for cat-proofing keyboards. Because everybody needs some (sounds, that is).
Disobeying doctor's orders: This evening, I went down to the Empress Hotel to see Baseball (Cameron from Ninetynine's side project) and Seth Rees (the local shoegazing guitar instrumentalist). The show rocked. Baseball were great, playing with an eccentric varietty of instruments (accordion, violin, and a drum that looked like it may have belonged to an old-fashioned toy soldier (only larger, of course), alongside guitar and drum kit). Their songs included a number of quirky minor-key numbers, sounding like something out of a late-night movie on SBS, and the band put a great amount of feeling into them.
Then Seth went up and did a set of processed guitar ambience, halfway through which he called Cameron (who was standing out as usual, in a Pakistani fur hat, pink shirt and gaudy tie) up to play drums. That went down quite well, especially considering that they've never played together.
Btw, Baseball may (or may not) be supporting Vodka Party tomorrow (Wednesday) night at the Czech Club. If they are, they're well worth seeing.