An insightful essay about
sex and (non-)participation therein in Western culture, by the author of
A History of
Celibacy, herself a practicing member of that most misunderstood
sexual minority:
There's a fundamental difference between happening to be celibate and
accepting one's celibacy. When you only happen to be celibate, you are still
looking and waiting, tentative about life because you are not living the way
you wish to be living.
Until a short while ago, most Western religions considered sex a "problem,"
stamping it out through sometimes torturous and extreme means; but today, at
least in the secular world, the tables have turned. Celibacy has become the
"problem." Now, the fear of not having sex is a driving force in all our
lives. Young teenagers write to advice columnists, "I'm not having sex.
What's wrong with me?" while grownups take pills, go to therapists, attend
classes, read books and spend billions of dollars a year, in an effort to
amplify their sexual lives and prevent the merest possibility of going a week
without having sex.