The Null Device

The Christmas/New Year holiday season is nigh upon us; and with it comes the traditional epidemic of seasonal depression, as people compare their own miserable lives, unfavourably, to idealised images of Yuletide bliss. Not surprisingly, the suicide rate peaks in late December and early January; while some open their presents, others open their wrists. Also unsurprisingly, Christmas is the traditional release date for violent action films:

Watching wrathful murders makes depressed people feel strong. They walk home in the cold to their empty apartments, hopped-up on the sexy pump of rage, hoping some asshole will say something obnoxious to them so they can feel justified in kicking the joker until he doesn't move anymore. "Howdya like that, heh?" one can leer as the perp squirms in the gutter. "Merry f---ing Christmas." This violently escapist conclusion is less painful for both parties than staying home and watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and crying hot, piteous tears for oneself when everything turns out OK at the end. "When will I get my happy ending?" one sobs between chicken nuggets. Not this Xmas.

Fortunately, suicide, drunken stupor and impotent hatred aren't the only options: you can always subvert it into an occasion to play pranks.

Another fun one is to rip up cotton balls and throw ketchup on them, in front of the fireplace. That way, when everyone comes into the living room for Xmas morning, you can say, "Uh-oh. White hair and blood. Looks like the dog got him. Poor Santa."

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