The Null Device

What (not) To Name Your Baby

A compedium of the stupid things people name their children, along with the parents' reasoning. Covers "unique" spellings (i.e., things like "Cydnee", "Dylon" and numerous bastardisations of "Mackenzie"), transpositions/omissions of letters ("Jayln"), random punctuation/capitalisation ("Cam'ron", "CrystalLynn") and various pseudo-African/Celtic/Sioux names. Not to mention rationales like "Brittany after the statue- Brittania", "Lorelei Jakarta (yes i know its an indonesian city but i think its exotic)", or "I think i'm going to name my son Kakinston ,, What do you think... ??". Or the people who were going to name their son Rebecca, just because they could. Or, indeed, the brain donor who was going to name their daughter Catatonia Calliope. (via Lukelog)

Reminds me of a theory I once heard that the uniqueness of names is inversely proportional to the intelligence of the parents, which was apparently supported by an ongoing survey of the births column of a local newspaper. (Presumably using some phrenological technique for determining intelligence from the photographs of the happy parents?)

There are 5 comments on "What (not) To Name Your Baby":

Posted by: MJ http:// Wed Dec 4 19:33:12 2002

Try having an ultra common name like Michael Johnson. You'll wish your parents had named you something a little more interesting!


Posted by: acb Thu Dec 5 12:43:44 2002

Would you rather be named Jayln? Or Rebecca, for that matter?

Posted by: Graham Thu Dec 5 13:34:49 2002

Fuck knows there were enough Andrews born in the early 70s, my brother being amongst them.

Posted by: acb Thu Dec 5 13:58:44 2002

I know. When I was at uni, there were routinely about six or so Andrews in the computer labs. I was one (and Cos was another).

Posted by: Catatonic http:// Wed Dec 22 13:29:34 2004

I would rather nice common names than trying to figure out half the stupid bastardisations of the names we get these days. I would prefer hearing normal names being screeched out by parents who give stupid names to their kids in lieu of proper discipline. I can just hear people yelling Columbine come here. Don't touch that Grand Canyon! Have you noticed that sometimes it's just like trying to interpret some of those numberplates? I just don't get it.

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