The Null Device

Punter ay the Rings

What would Lord of the Rings have been like, had it been written by Irvine Welsh? Probably something like this:
"Aragorn!" Gimil calls tae ays. "Ye're late again!"
"Aye," ay smiles back. "Ah ran intae some Orc cunts and they started gittin wide wi us, likesay."
Gimli looks at ays but says nowt. Ah like Gimli, eh's awright. Tidy little cunt in a fight, like ays. Nae like that homo elf who'd rather keep ehs distance and shoot some fuckin arrows from afar.
Ah sits doon and gets oot ma oan grub. Ah starts thinkin ay Arwen, and our last night togethir, when ah shagged er proper and she squealed like a wee piggie. Fit little lassie that, with the extra ay bein an elf, likes, immortal an' aw that. Those tits an' erse'll never sag!

(via Graham)

There are 2 comments on "Punter ay the Rings":

Posted by: cat Thu Mar 25 02:38:53 2004

See this is what happens when you commercialise and make accessible something which previously only fantasy nerds could appreciate....

Bastardisation all the way to the bank!!!

Posted by: Graham Fri Mar 26 01:59:38 2004

Hey, at least it wasn't a Mary Sue...