The Null Device

Toorak Metropolitan News

If you ever wondered where Liberal Club student newspaper editors go once they graduate (other than the legal profession, that is), the answer could well be the Toorak Metropolitan News, which appears to be distributed for free in the South Yarra area. I saw a copy yesterday; it's one of those free "community papers" that's mostly ads (often for regionally-appropriate products such as hair-replacement therapy). The front page was vintage Tory-student-paper, though, and looked as if it had been put together in PageMaker by a graphically clueless political appointee. (What is it about Tories and clueless graphic design anyway? Back when I was at university, the Labor Club election propaganda looked as if it had been done by someone with decent visual sense, whereas the Liberal Club equivalents were a mishmash of distorted CorelDRAW novelty fonts. I imagine current Liberal Student flyers would probably use a lot of Comic Sans; but I digress.) About five too-narrow, full-justified columns of Times Roman, with the spacing consequently varying widely between lines, and too little whitespace elsewhere to not look cluttered. The content was a sub-Andrew-Bolt op-ed tract about how John Howard's doing such a good job with the economy and the Iraq situation and Latham and his loony-leftist goons should hang their heads in shame for opposing the removal of that rotter Saddam Hussein or something like that, complete with the author denying being, as many say he is, a dyed-in-the-wool Liberal. It came with a rather forced-looking alliterated headline (something about "Loony Liverpool Lout Latham Loses" or somesuch).

There are 12 comments on "Toorak Metropolitan News":

Posted by: datakid Thu Jul 15 07:06:42 2004

bruce ruxton used to have a column every edition - as did that looney lib from kooyong...whassis name? high flyer's kinda like that newspaper you could piuck up in the indian restaurant on flinders st across from the station - it was like white power, but about india - india power!...had hilarious articles about how cool the indian army was now it had these new jet fighter planes with the specs and all, then measured all against how bad they would kick the pakistani arse should it all come to war...

Posted by: matt cook http:// Thu Jul 15 11:57:02 2004

This paper is unlike any other paper in Melbourne. It has a much higher ad density, poorer design sense, and higher focus on opinion (always right).

Posted by: jb http:// Fri Jul 16 08:57:11 2004

i wish i could remember the name of the late-80s paper, distributed around st albans, which ALWAYS (in my memory at least) consisted half of articles referring to joan kirner as "mother russia", and half of tv listings. like all of these publications, the work of one middle-aged man, with occasional contributions from john pagliarella.

Posted by: cos Fri Jul 16 12:08:10 2004

oh. god. yes. just yesterday i picked up one of these by accident while i was waiting on somebody in the foyer, at work. terrifying. he kept going on about how people had told him to "stop writing, or else," and "since i've been running my own business for years" wank wank yawn snore...

Posted by: Ben-Gurion http:// Tue Jul 27 11:48:59 2004

It's a fantastic little rant, I always keep an eye out for it when I'm South of the river.

Not surprisingly the editor is/was a big Pauline Hanson fan.

Posted by: Ben-Gurion http:// Tue Jul 27 11:55:20 2004

And I am pretty sure it is a seperate operation from Jack Pachouli's Toorak Times (which hasn't published for some time, too bad his dog must have lost the editorship he held).

Posted by: acb Tue Jul 27 13:08:21 2004

Have you thought of writing for it? It's a natural gig for those who like to offend politically-correct sensibilities but aren't sufficiently hip to write for VICE.

Posted by: Ben-Gurion http:// Wed Jul 28 08:26:09 2004

I wouldn't cheapen my gift...

Posted by: Elwood Resident http:// Thu Jul 29 05:40:41 2004

Testament to the idea that no matter how much the Libs spend on private schools you still going to end up with a lot of rich, uneducated yobs blowing money on 'free' newspapers announcing the fact - like the yob boss runner up who thinks self portraits are going to woo us in Elwood to sign up for more Liberalisation - will he send his son to Iraq? or make sure he remains here on 'The Liberal Youth' paper round

Posted by: Tory Ben http:// Fri Jul 30 06:10:15 2004

Self portraits are more than we get from our local member in Northcote. Delahunty hasn't even given us a portrait of herself, which would be useful as no one around here knows what she looks like.

Posted by: Graham Fri Jul 30 09:23:36 2004

She used to read the news on the ABC! Oh. I see what you mean.

Posted by: Ben-Gurion Jacarutu http:// Sat Jul 31 04:03:37 2004

It was a fair while ago you know....

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