The Null Device

Pas De Sex Pour Les Americains

American students traveling abroad confirm the findings of a study indicating that Washington's unilateral approach to foreign policy has seriously undermined Americans' chances of getting laid:
"I'm in Amsterdam--Amsterdam, for Christ's sake--and I'm in the middle of the longest dry spell I can remember," Higgs said. "Last week, I was making out with this Italian girl at a concert. It was all going great until the music ended and she heard my American accent. I swear to God, I went from the cusp of a hand job to, 'Why won't your country sign the Kyoto Treaty?'"
"I voted for Kerry and I marched against the Iraq war," Biehn said. "But when I got to Europe, I might as well have been wearing a Bush bumper sticker on my forehead and star-spangled cowboy boots. As soon as the French guys hear I am from the U.S., all they want to do is argue politics."

And some advice for young Americans attempting to pull in Europe:

"First, pretend you're Canadian whenever you can," Hapbrook said. "But make sure you're not around actual Canadians, because they'll know you're lying and cock-block you. Second, if there are any anti-American protests going on, take care to avoid women carrying signs. Third, focus your itinerary on countries like Ireland and Japan that are still relatively friendly to Americans. You may want to write off France altogether," Hapbrook added.

There are 3 comments on "Pas De Sex Pour Les Americains":

Posted by: Paulo http:// Thu Apr 28 08:23:57 2005

Yeah we've got dumb people here too, you know (As you probably figured out, Europe). We don't get a chance very often to meet Americans, so i guess people just disgorge what they have inside whenever they can. It's silly to think all people from a given country are the same, i admit, even when talking about the US. I too don't have more-than-friendly relations with an opposite sex person in Europe, but that's just because i'm so ugly ...

Posted by: kev http:// Sun May 22 23:54:37 2005

are you aware that the Onion is a SATIRICAL publication??

Posted by: Graham Tue May 24 02:21:48 2005

Yes he is.