The Null Device

I (heart) Commercial Radio

The radio in the office next door is tuned to a commercial radio station. Despite my well-stocked Archos Jukebox and set of PC speakers, I cannot escape this. Part of this is bad music, middle-aged rockers howling out bland MOR ballads, like some meaningless ritualisation of what was once a mating call. But most of it is ads. Annoying, intelligence-insulting, in-your-face ads. They tend to fall into three categories:

One thing one notices about commercial radio is the way all the advertisers (and the announcers) constantly speak with that "I'm Excited! Ask Me Why!" tone of voice; their voices are always raised, sometimes to the point of shouting, and each syllable sounds like the start of a new sentence.

Why anybody would willingly choose to subject themselves to this, I do not know. Though I have some theories; perhaps the constant sugar-rush of excitement in the advertisers' voices is contagious, acting as a subconscious stimulant, helping the average working stiff through their otherwise tedious and/or exhausting day with a plastic smile on their face, and keeping them from realising the all-pervading emptiness of their life and collapsing into black despair? It's just a theory.

As for me? I'll stick to 3RRR, thanks.

There are 11 comments on "I (heart) Commercial Radio":

Posted by: dj http:// Thu Aug 28 08:19:05 2003

I agree 100%. i refuse to listen to commercial radio because of the ads. some of them are so bad its unbelievable, especially when the announcers read them.

Posted by: Alex Thu Aug 28 10:41:22 2003

Listen to the 'traffic reports'. Starts with an ad, then the data, then another ad, then the signoff. It's radio product placement. Log the songs you don't like, log the songs you can barely tolerate ... have a 'zen tv experiment' time with it. Listen objectively?

Posted by: gjw http://the-fix.org Thu Aug 28 12:09:17 2003

And there's just so many of them! I can't understand how people can stand it. But I think maybe it is addictive, and maybe it's what a lot of people _expect_ from radio. The "commercial radio" people I know complain about the "dreary, unprofessional" voices on JJJ and community radio. I just think the voices sound _real_.

Posted by: sam http:// Thu Aug 28 12:22:02 2003

dreary? unprofessional? they sound much more alive and so completely the opposite of dreary to me..

Posted by: limey http://asseptic.org/433 Thu Aug 28 13:50:31 2003

I reckon the basis for that kind of advertising is like spam or TV shopping. As ITE's Ed put it, even if only 1% of all those exposed to such propaganda fall for it, it means a lot of profit.

Posted by: Graham http://grudnuk.com/ Thu Aug 28 16:16:17 2003

Singing along to Wuthering Heights or Bohemian Rhapsody in the workplace usually gets people to change the station or turn it down.

Posted by: dj http:// Fri Aug 29 01:49:57 2003

excellent strategy Graham, i shall keep that in mind if i ever face myself in a situation where its use is paramount.

Posted by: Bowie http://realkosh.weblogs.com/ Fri Aug 29 06:26:05 2003

I often wish they'd just do away with the DJ altogether. I can't stand the ads on commercial stations but chatter gets to me to. I want to hear music, or at the worse, ads for gigs in Melbourne. Triple R gets my vote although it has the annoying DJs who speak about three words, wait five to ten seconds, speak three more words... all over the music you're trying to hear... it's still better than BUY NOW but I prefer listening to a CD.

Posted by: acb http://dev.null.org Fri Aug 29 06:58:45 2003

Depends on the programme; Steve Wide seems to be fairly good, as do the Local and/or General people.

Posted by: Pat McGroyn http:// Fri Aug 29 07:53:29 2003

Here's what you do.

Get an iPod and an iTrip radio transmitter. Set the iTrip to your COWorker's radio frequency and play 1.) music YOU like 2.)strange creepy voices 3.)loud phone sex

Hilarity will follow.

Posted by: Waz http:// Sun Aug 31 10:21:49 2003

Try going out with a girl who does the special prize giveaways ala icey cold coke promotions for a commercial radio station. I literally thought she was giving something away once when she got even remotely excited during a normal outside-work situation.

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