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psychoceramics: (fwd) cinematic kookery
- To: p--@z--.net
- Subject: psychoceramics: (fwd) cinematic kookery
- From: Nick Brienza <nfb2 @ po.cwru.edu>
- Date: 3 Apr 1997 22:54:17 GMT
- Sender: owner-psychoceramics
I'm *sure* you've all seen this one already, but I thought I'd submit it for
discussion. This one really stalks that fine line between kook rant and self-
parody; I'm still not sure, myself. I didn't even think think of it as psycho-
ceramic until I got to the "TRUE INDEPENDENT - NOT SUNDANCE ASS- KISSER"
part...
-- forwarded message --
From: agent @ action.com
Newsgroups: alt.fan.furry
Subject: ****AGENT ACTION!***
Date: Wed, 2 Apr 1997 01:58:45
Organization: Concentric Internet Services
Lines: 218
Message-ID: <5ht808$f--@c--.concentric.net>
NNTP-Posting-Host: cnc012036.concentric.net
Xref: news.io.com alt.fan.furry:76966
1
** "CLONING" MOVIE MAY PROVOKE THEATER RIOTS! **
Anticipation is so high for the new sci-fi action movie AGENT ACTION!
that international theater owners are worried. Some feel their venues may be the
magnet for riots. One of the movies main themes is human cloning. With cloning
as a red-hot topic and the movies anticipated big budget look with gorgeous nude
US playmates, the number of moviegoers is predicted to be record breaking!
AGENT ACTION! is reported to be a sci-fi flick in the secret agent
"Bond" Style. It sports exotic locations, impressive cinematography, and the
aforementioned naked, big-breasted actresses. (Including Erika Olsen / Playboy
Mar 97) The movie stars and is directed by charismatic and multi talented new
leading man William Blair. It features celebrity guest villains and co-stars the
talented Jerry Lee Kmiec.
AGENT ACTION! is currently in the middle of a heated bidding war by international
distributors. The winner may have more than just an ordinary hit on its hands.
It may have the milestone catalyst of an international event.
***************************************************************************************************
2
OSCAR PICK FAVE FOR 97 ? AGENT ACTION!
Talk for the next Oscars has already started. And the news is overwhelming for
one film: AGENT ACTION!
What "ACTION" seems to have is what the current Oscar picks lacked: both
great directing, great acting, and great writing all in one. And the lions credit is
aimed at one man; multi -talented star and director William Blair.l
Insiders are predicting Blair may receive the most multiple Oscar wins ever:
As best actor, best director, and best writer. What's more: as producer and special
effects director of photography consultant: he might also nab the best picture Oscar
and cinematography Oscars, too! Can Blair and AGENT ACTION! pull off this
unprecedented feat?
It would certainly be a day for the all time record books. Of course this is
just speculation at this point. One thing is certain, though, 1997 is the year for
moviegoers to enjoy AGENT ACTION!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3
CAN AGENT ACTION! CRUSH SCHWARZENEGGER?
One fact seems clear: William Blair is the world's hot new action star!
Not only that, he appears to be a World-Class director as well. It is this multi-talent
capability- and freshness- that has Schwarzeneger and Stallone scared - yes, the
world seems to be saying, replace these old fogies with new talent!
William Blair, and AGENT ACTION! seem to be the cure for the movie goers
case of tired old action star Blues! Arnold / Sly - next stop is the old folks rest home
for you!
We're William Blair fans now! Long live # 1 action star William Blair! - AGENT
ACTION!
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
4
SEX, NUDITY, AND AGENT ACTION!
For the many curious to see big breasted naked actresses in AGENT ACTION!,-
there is good news. A preview/trailer is now reportedly in the cutting stages.
This minute and a half of selected scenes should wet the palate of the curious.
AGENT ACTION!, a "Bond" type thriller set in the near future, is highly anticipated.
It reportedly features the aforementioned Big breasted actresses ( including Erika
Olsen/ Playboy Mar 97 ) among several other ravishing beauties.
The movie is said to star and be directed by multi talented new leading man
William Blair. Celebrity guest villains round out the colorful cast.
The movie apparently also features lush exotic locations from around the world.
Excellent cinematography and a tight nit thriller story round out this highly anticipated
production.
This is probably the most anticipated movie on the planet today. And the
thought of a trailer - possibly soon downloadable on the net - is fantastic. But hurry
please! The wait is almost more than curious movie buffs can bear!
****************** /////////////////////////// ************************* ///////////////
5
JAPANESE "ABREAST" OF AGENT ACTION!
Tokyo. If there's one group of moviegoers clamoring to see AGENT ACTION! -
It's the Japanese. They certainly have a yen for big breasted naked blondes - and
AGENT ACTION! will supply that - and more!
Nippon theater owners apparently are in a rare fight to obtain the first prints of
AGENT ACTION! It is said to be the most anticipated movie in the Orient.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6
WHY DOES AGENT ACTION FEATURE NUDE BREASTS?
'Cause Secret Agents love them! How could Sean Connery, Roger Moore, or
Pierce Brosnan battle villains without a little jiggle? And the same goes for new Agent
extraordinaire William Blair - AGENT ACTION!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
7
RUSH - FOR WORLD WIDE RELEASE
IS AGENT ACTION! THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE?
Film fans, critics, and cinephiles the world over are engaged in a heated debate.
Is the new Sci-fi action film AGENT ACTION! the greatest movie ever made?
Opposition is fierce. Names such as Welles, Kubrick, Scorsese, Spielberg, and
Oliver Stone are of course getting huge support.
Movies such as Citizen Kane, 2001, Goodfellas, ET, and Platoon are being
heralded as the all time champs.
And yet, the new found furor won't subside. AGENT ACTION! now has its own
legions of rising vocal fans. And its star/ director William Blair is receiving the lion's
share of the credit.
Can this new group of fans, of a movie not yet even released be right? Can
the few purportedly bootlegged copies of an advance rough cut be enough proof?
Is AGENT ACTION! such a highly commendable piece of celluloid?
History be damned these new fans seem to be saying. Forget the work of the
"old fogies", William Blair Is the brilliant purveyor of cinema's future!
And AGENT ACTION! is proof - at 24 frames per living color second!
===============================================================
8
SEX, ROMANCE, AND AGENT ACTION - WILLIAM BLAIR!
Girls, Good News - William Blair is single! Yes the 6 ft, 185 lb. leading man is
available! And if his blue eyes don't get you - his charming and suave manner will!
Check him out in AGENT ACTION! Then in his exciting new upcoming feature
THE RIDE!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
9
WAR! - BIDDING BATTLE BREWING
Major movie distributors are sharpening their pens. Agents and Lawyers are taking
sides. Telephone faxes are arming for duty.
Why? For the bloody battle over the international distribution rights to AGENT
ACTION!
The movie world landscape is now upside down. How? Witness ancient releases
like Star Wars now doing first run BlockBuster business. Plus expensive new releases
are bombing. With this confusion its a new war out there. And formerly defended
movie turf is up for grabs!
Which studio army can capture the anticipated blockbuster AGENT ACTION!?
Will it be a major battaliion force like UNIVERSAL? Of can a rising guierrila army
like Miramax or Gramercy capture the goods?
No one can predict the battle's outcome yet. But one victor is certain: the
Audience. The World Audience - millions of popcorn and action loving troops who
will be the happy victors as they embrace viewing AGENT ACTION!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
10
WILLIAM BLAIR - TRUE INDEPENDENT - NOT SUNDANCE ASS- KISSER
While most Independent filmmakers nowadays are just shameless ass kissers - of
Sundance "god" Robert Redford, William Blair stands alone.
The so called Independent movie movement is sickening. Independent -
Independent of what?
Most of these films are undisguised "auditions" for studio jobs. And the cast
lists of these movies look exactly like their Studio cousins: Tori Spelling for godsakes!
And most of these butt-kiss directors need to start living a life - rather than
patterning these grotesque homages to angst populated by the ever tiring Steve
Buscemi ( Whoever said this guy could act? )
The real barfola however, is how the "intelligensia" and "psuedo hip" are
pronouncing Oscar kudos on these lightweight nothing movies.
Lets face if folks: Ransom was a much better film than Fargo. Wake up you
morons. Can anyone even sit through Fargo twice without falling into a deep coma.
And last years Spitfire Grill - what a joke that was! It had all the thrills and
technique of a bad TV movie of the week!
Is there hope? Damn tootin!
And my vote for movie of the year is AGENT ACTION! It cuts the sprocket holes
off those "independent" lemming-ized ass-kisser movies .
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
-- end of forwarded message --
--
"My son, your ineptitude is so vast, your incompetence so profound, that I
am certain you are inhabited by greater power than I have ever known."
--Peter S. Beagle, _The Last Unicorn_
------------ End of forwarded message
--
"My son, your ineptitude is so vast, your incompetence so profound, that I
am certain you are inhabited by greater power than I have ever known."
--Peter S. Beagle, _The Last Unicorn_