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psychoceramics: A Rating System for Religious Fundamentalism (fwd)

I really should have sent this here in the first place...

 -- acb

----- Forwarded message from Andrew C. Bulhak -----

Subject: A Rating System for Religious Fundamentalism
To: flat-e--@f---earth.org (flat earth), silent-tristero@world.std.com
From: acb @ cs.monash.edu.au (Andrew C. Bulhak)

[ forwards writhing and speaking in tongues ]

> Fundies, Fumbles, and Freaks: A Rating System for Religious Fundamentalism
> Version 1.01
>         In response to the growing number of religious zealots and other 
> general lunatics following fictitious deities around, we have compiled the
> following test in order to empirically measure the sanity of religious
> fanatics. This is similar to the Close Encounters test, and uses an identical
> table for calculating scores.
>         Scoring: Total up all points based on the table below. Count each
> infraction separately.
> Points  Infraction
> 1       Per valid argument that is not also sound.
> 1       Per word in all capital letters, excluding those who type in all 
>         caps and people with defective keyboards.
> 1       Being a member of a religious order that is generally agreed upon to
>         be mentally out to lunch. Includes any order or sect not recognized
>         as a religion. Double this for Church of Satan members. Triple this 
>         for Hare Krishnas.
> 2       Confusing logical reasoning with emotional appeals.
> 2       Claim that everyone believes in some form of God.
> 2       Logical fallacy or inconsistency: Q doesn't necessarily follow P.
> 2       Vague, unspecific reference to a person, place, or thing that 
>         supports their religious beliefs. Do not cite twice for being an 
>         emotional appeal.
> 2       Per use of hearsay evidence. Do not cite twice if this involves
>         divine revelations.
> 3       Use of circular logic. Do not also count as a logical fallacy or 
>         inconsistency.
> 3       Per "sign" or miracle that can clearly be explained through secular 
>         means. Add one if person already knows the secular explanation(s).
> 3       Per claim that clearly violates laws of physics. Triple this if the
>         fundie claims that it is physics, and not his/her story, that is
>         fundamentally flawed. Add six to this total if the fundamentalist
>         has had formal education in physics. 
> 3       Per claim that a widely accepted scientific procedure is flawed, 
>         without good evidence. Includes attacks on Carbon Dating.
> 3       Claiming the second law of thermodynamics disproves evolution, or 
>         similar misuse of the laws of Physics. Also add three for each misuse
>         of laws or theories pertaining to Chemistry, Biology, or any other 
>         scientific field.
> 3       Claiming non-existant gaps in the fossil record disprove evolution.
>         Do not count this if the gaps cited are real or reasonably accurate.
>         Add five if Piltdown Man or another forged hominid is mentioned.
> 4       Citing education or job held as evidence for sanity. Double this if
>         zealot is a clergyman, Professor of religious studies, or trucker.
> 4       Per claim that heavy metal (or any other class of music) is the work 
>         of Satan. Count once per cited musical category.
> 4       Reversing societal definitions of good and evil to justify one's own
>         stupid belief system. If you aren't sure, consult a dictionary.
> 4       Defending clearly evil actions of a deity or his chosen people;
>         claiming they were good or morally right. Include any defenses of
>         murder, especially divine murders in the Old Testament.
> 4       Per otherwise unspecified paranormal experience. Include out-of-body
>         experiences and visions of heaven after being hit by lightning.
>         Double this if the fundie has not actually been struck by lightning.
> 5       Per claim that God revealed Himself (or Herself) to the person in
>         question. Add five if the fundie claims that God can reveal
>         Himself to you, as well, if only you believe/look for a sign. Add
>         one if the revelation came while under the influence of alcohol or
>         other drugs, and/or while clearly mentally ill.
> 5       Millenialism; belief that the world will end before the year 2,010.
>         Add ten if the person believes the world will end on January 1, 2000.
>         Add ten if God told them so directly.
> 5       Per claim that Dungeons and Dragons (or any other role-playing game)
>         is Satanic or inherently evil.
> 6       Citing any natural wonder as evidence for a Great Flood, esp. if it 
>         really provides evidence for the contrary. Add two if the Grand 
>         Canyon is mentioned.
> 7       Claiming that the Devil (or demons) can "get into someone's head"
>         through listening to a specific type of music, through role-playing 
>         games, or through any other type of activity.
> 7       Claiming that every story in their particular canon is true to the 
>         letter.
> 8       Someone claims to be a Satanist, but also claims not to worship Satan
> 8       Continuing to make such claims after presentation of archaeological
>         evidence to the contrary.
> 8       Citing Velikovskian (or similar) research as "valid" evidence for God.
> 8       Each claim that heaven is on a planet in another galaxy.
> 8       Using one's own religious canon as evidence for their argument, as if
>         it were an accurate historical record.
> 9       Each claim that heaven is on a planet orbiting a star that clearly 
>         has no planets orbiting it. Add four if this is a binary, multiple 
>         star system, or pulsar.
> 10      Citing a book one has written - or is writing - as evidence.
> 10      Claiming one has actually been possessed by a demon or devil. Add two
>         if the fundamentalist claims to have been possessed by Satan or
>         some other supreme evil.
> 12      Each claim to have seen God, Satan (or another supreme evil), Jesus 
>         (or a similar messiah), Heaven, or Hell personally.
> 15      Claiming to be possessed by a demon, devil, or other supernatural
>         being at the present time.
> 20      Claiming to be an angel, demon, or devil.
> 40      Claiming that one is God, Satan, or Jesus. Double this if the fundie
>         offers to prove it.
> Final Score     Meaning and interpretations
> 0 or less       Sane. This person may very well have a logical, rational grip 
>                 on religion, rare though it seems.
> 1-5             Reasonably Consistent. It is likely that the person you are
>                 evaluating has more rational beliefs than irrational ones. 
>                 It is best to evaluate each belief separately in this case.
> 6-10            Questionable. Some of their claims could be reasonably 
>                 founded, but the logic of each specific belief is largely
>                 unknown.
> 11-20           Borderline Fundamentalist. Accepts without question many 
>                 religions beliefs; probably forces them on others. Dislikes
>                 claims that his/her religion may be wrong.
> 21-30           Fundamentalist. Expect unintelligible babble, idiotic
>                 defenses of ludicrous actions and events, and totally 
>                 illogical claims.
> 31-40           Psychopath. Watch for white sheets and heavily armed pickup
>                 trucks. Tell this person to put down their Bible and get some 
>                 fresh air.
> 41-59           Loon. You are dealing with a complete idiot. Ignore anything
>                 they say as illogical and blatantly false. Do not expect 
>                 this person to ever develop an even marginally rational 
>                 belief system.
> 60+             Stop counting at this point. Call the authorities, and report
>                 that the patient has escaped.
> --------------321353C161BA--
> |__
>    |--> SVEN: a.k.a. Chris Blanc
>         Internet consulting/Web design
> 		[ http://www.loop.com/~sven/ ]
> Some only sample the dark wine of life's blood...

         "Come down you tiny robots with your little nipper claws, You pale and
                      bug-eyed aliens with white and clammy paws.  Life is just
<a--@d--.null.org>    a sucker's dream and death is a disgrace, So come on down 
http://www.zikzak.net/~acb/   you Saucer Men and take me off to space." -Nenslo

----- End of forwarded message from Andrew C. Bulhak -----

         "Come down you tiny robots with your little nipper claws, You pale and
                      bug-eyed aliens with white and clammy paws.  Life is just
<a--@d--.null.org>    a sucker's dream and death is a disgrace, So come on down 
http://www.zikzak.net/~acb/   you Saucer Men and take me off to space." -Nenslo